By Joseph Mbazzi Muguluma
The Oracle of Kifuuta Katooke, Kyotera, Buddu
Come, my sister, let us take a slow drive down Pushkin and Shakespeare Lane. We shall travel through the morning, afternoon and evening, exploring a question that has troubled many hearts: do men really care, or have we simply become accustomed to excusing their emotional absence?
This is no road for bodas or reckless drivers. It is an avenue of reflection, where literature meets human behaviour and the chemistry of love confronts the uncomfortable realities of modern relationships.
As The Oracle of Kifuuta Katooke, I have a message for you, Sister Batengeke Unith: stop confusing a man’s inability to express affection with proof that men are incapable of caring.
But equally, stop accepting neglect merely because somebody has convinced you that it is normal male behaviour.
Your aunties may have told you, “Men are like that.” Your TikTok sisters may have advised you to lower your expectations.
And perhaps, somewhere along the way, you learned to accept crumbs of affection and celebrate them as a feast.
You began to say, “At least he comes home.”
But is mere presence the same as commitment? Is sharing a roof equivalent to sharing a life? And must a woman spend her days decoding silence from a man who claims to love her?
Let us consult the masters of literature.
Morning Drive: Pushkin and the Tragedy of Love Delayed
At six in the morning, as the dew settles over Kifuuta, our first stop is Alexander Pushkin’s Eugene Onegin.
Here, we encounter Tatyana, a thoughtful young woman who falls deeply in love with Onegin, a sophisticated gentleman whose elegance conceals emotional immaturity.
She does something that has become almost unfashionable in an age of carefully calculated romantic strategies: she tells him the truth about her heart.
She writes to him openly, exposing her vulnerability without bargaining for affection or pretending to be indifferent.
Onegin’s response is not the embrace she hopes for. Instead, he lectures her about the dangers of surrendering to romantic feelings, explaining that he is not suited to marriage and domestic responsibility.
He walks away.
For Tatyana, the rejection is painful. For Onegin, it appears to be another passing episode in a life of boredom and restless self-indulgence.
He does not understand the value of what stands before him.
Years later, however, the positions are reversed.
Tatyana has become a dignified princess, married to a respected general and admired by society. Onegin encounters her again, and the woman he once rejected becomes the object of his consuming desire.
Suddenly, the indifferent gentleman cannot find peace. He writes letters, longs for her attention and struggles with the consequences of his earlier choices.
But Tatyana is no longer the inexperienced girl who once waited for his answer.
She admits that she still loves him, yet refuses to betray her marriage.
Pushkin leaves us with a painful lesson: sometimes, people recognise the value of love only after their choices have made it inaccessible.
My sister, this is the danger of emotional carelessness. A man may assume that a woman’s affection will remain available indefinitely.
He may mistake patience for weakness and vulnerability for desperation.
But love is not a permanent invitation to behave irresponsibly.
Do not spend your life waiting for someone to discover your worth after you have exhausted yourself proving it.
Afternoon Drive: Shakespeare’s Men and the Cost of Uncontrolled Passion
At two in the afternoon, we turn into Shakespeare Street.
William Shakespeare offers us another perspective on love, desire and the complicated emotions that govern human relationships.
Consider Romeo. His passion for Juliet is immediate and overwhelming. Their story captures the intoxicating intensity of young love, where emotion moves faster than wisdom and every decision feels final.
Romeo does not approach love as a casual arrangement. He is prepared to risk everything for it. Yet the tragedy of his story reminds us that intensity alone does not guarantee a healthy relationship.
Love without patience, sound judgement and responsibility can become destructive.
Then there is Othello, whose relationship with Desdemona is consumed by suspicion and jealousy. His fear of betrayal overwhelms his judgement, leading him towards terrible decisions.
Othello demonstrates that powerful feelings are not necessarily evidence of healthy affection.
Jealousy may arise from insecurity, fear or possessiveness; it should never be romanticised as proof that someone cares.
A man does not have to become controlling, suspicious or emotionally unstable to demonstrate his love.
Indeed, genuine affection should make room for trust, dignity and personal freedom.
And what of Hamlet? His grief following his father’s death reveals the depth of familial attachment, while his struggle to respond to that loss illustrates the complicated relationship between emotion, thought and action.
Across these works, Shakespeare offers no simple formula for love. Instead, he reveals human beings wrestling with desire, insecurity, loyalty, grief and responsibility.
That is where our afternoon lesson begins.
My sister, observe the things a man consistently prioritises. He wakes early for his job.
He finds money to support his mother. He maintains his motorcycle with admirable discipline.
He can spend hours preparing a business proposal or pursuing an opportunity.
These things may demonstrate commitment to the responsibilities and interests he values.
So, when it comes to you, ask yourself a reasonable question: does he make an effort to nurture the relationship, too?
Does he check on your wellbeing? Does he listen when you speak? Does he remember the things that matter to you? Does he make time for you without requiring constant reminders?
If he can prepare a ten-page proposal for a tender but cannot find a moment to ask, “Good morning, Nnyabo, how are you?” it may be time to examine whether the relationship is receiving the attention it needs.
Of course, people express affection differently.
Some are naturally reserved, and not everybody communicates love through frequent messages or grand declarations.
But emotional differences cannot become a permanent excuse for neglect.
A relationship should not require one person to do all the reaching out, all the understanding and all the emotional labour.
The issue is not whether a man calls ten times a day or whether he becomes jealous when another man approaches you.
The issue is whether his behaviour consistently communicates respect, consideration and commitment.
That is the chemistry worth understanding.
The Science Behind the Poetry
We speak of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, cortisol and other chemical messengers as though the heart were a laboratory with a single switch marked LOVE.
Human emotion, however, is more complicated.
Dopamine plays a role in motivation, reward and anticipation. Oxytocin is involved in social bonding and attachment, while cortisol helps the body respond to stress. None of these substances, acting alone, can establish whether a man is faithful, emotionally available or genuinely committed.
A person may feel intense attraction and still behave irresponsibly. Another may express affection quietly yet demonstrate remarkable consistency over time.
That distinction matters because we must not confuse the intensity of an emotion with the quality of a relationship.
My grandmother in Katooke had a simpler way of putting it: when someone cares, that concern should eventually become visible in how they treat you.
Not every caring man will write poetry, buy expensive gifts or make dramatic declarations. Some will demonstrate affection through practical support, honest conversations, reliability and the willingness to remain present when life becomes difficult.
Others may struggle to communicate their feelings. Such difficulties deserve understanding, but understanding does not require you to abandon your own emotional needs.
Love is not proved by suffering in silence.
Nor is it proved by making someone suffer to test their devotion.
The real measure is the steady alignment between what a person says and what that person does.
Evening Drive: When Love Becomes a Vow
At seven in the evening, we arrive at the final stretch of our journey. The air is cool, crickets are singing, and the smell of roasting matooke drifts through Buddu.
Here, Pushkin meets Shakespeare, and romantic excitement gives way to the more demanding question of commitment.
Let us return to Tatyana and Onegin.
When Onegin finally declares his love, Tatyana does not deny the feelings she once had for him. She acknowledges that he still moves her heart.
Yet she refuses to abandon her marriage for a late-arriving passion.
Her decision is one of the most compelling moments in Pushkin’s novel because it separates desire from responsibility.
She can love Onegin and still choose not to act on that love.
She can acknowledge her emotions without allowing them to dictate every decision.
That is a lesson worth carrying into modern relationships.
Love may begin with excitement, attraction and anticipation. But a lasting partnership requires much more: honesty, mutual respect, patience, accountability and the willingness to keep choosing one another through changing circumstances.
The language of a vow is not merely about what two people promise during a beautiful evening.
It is about how they treat one another when circumstances become inconvenient, when disagreements arise and when the excitement of a new relationship settles into ordinary life.
It is about building a garden that requires regular attention rather than appearing only when the flowers are in bloom.
Sister Solomela Christensen, my dear sister, remember this: a man who loves you should not merely want access to your life; he should be willing to accept the responsibilities that come with being part of it.
And the same standard applies to you.
A healthy relationship is not a contest in which one person must prove their worth while the other remains permanently unconvinced.
It is a partnership in which both people contribute, communicate and take responsibility for the space they occupy in each other’s lives.
Affection is meaningful. Commitment gives it direction. Character sustains it.
The Oracle’s Final Word: Stop Generalising, Start Recognising
My sister Nantale Prossy, the last-born daughter of my Maama, we are nearly home.
Before we close the doors of this car, let us correct one dangerous generalisation: “Men don’t care.”
It is unfair to condemn an entire gender because of the conduct of one disappointing partner.
Men are not identical, and neither are women.
People differ in their emotional maturity, communication styles and capacity for commitment.
Some men care deeply but struggle to express it.
Some speak beautifully but fail to follow through. Some are ready for partnership, while others are still learning what responsibility requires.
The important thing is to assess the individual before you, rather than the promises he makes or the stereotypes other people repeat.
Replace the sweeping declaration with something more honest:
“This man is not giving me the care I need, and I deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, consistency and genuine affection.”
That statement does not demand perfection. It demands sincerity.
Somewhere in Kifuuta, Kyotera, or beyond the hills of Buddu, there may be a man who appreciates your mind, respects your boundaries and wants to build a meaningful future with you.
He may not arrive with Shakespearean speeches or Pushkin’s poetic elegance. He may simply show up, tell the truth and keep his word.
That, too, can be beautiful.
Do not give a lifelong promise to someone who has not yet learned the responsibilities of partnership.
Do not mistake jealousy for devotion, expensive gifts for commitment or dramatic declarations for enduring love.
And do not reject a good person simply because their affection looks different from the romance you imagined.
Give people room to demonstrate who they are, but do not ignore what their actions repeatedly reveal.
As we conclude our morning, afternoon and evening journey along Pushkin and Shakespeare Lane, remember that the greatest love stories are not necessarily those with the most dramatic emotions.
They are the ones in which affection finds expression through character, responsibility and choice.
The Oracle of Kifuuta Katooke leaves you with one final thought:
You cannot command another person’s heart, manufacture their readiness or force them to value what you offer.
But you can recognise the difference between a relationship that nourishes you and one that continually asks you to survive on hope.
Choose accordingly.
Vvamutulo Mbundifumbilwajo.
Katonda siyakuletela omwami — as the saying goes, may God bless you with a partner who truly loves you, values you and is prepared to stand by you.
Even when life is complicated, even when circumstances are imperfect, and even when love demands patience, let it never require you to surrender your dignity.
The journey ends here.
The Oracle of Kifuuta Katooke, Kyotera, Buddu.
